Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
