you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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