She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
