im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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