This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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