I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
