I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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