Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
