i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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