I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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