Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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