Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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