so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
