If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you win again, gameday.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
