Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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