i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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