I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
