I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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