I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
