i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
