a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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