I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
