If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
