it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
