I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they call him Oral-B. enough said
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
