I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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