There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If that was your dad, he is hot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
