i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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