we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
