3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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