How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
