In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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