The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
