whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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