You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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