Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
