ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
