dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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