What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
