Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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