last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
