Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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