I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
