o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
