I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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