At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
