On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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