T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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