I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
