Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
