He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I deserve this hangover.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
