real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
