What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
