She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I believe in your delicious
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
