I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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