i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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