i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
