you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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