i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
