all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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