There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
