Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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