Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
