I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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