I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
