She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
