There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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