i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
