I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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