I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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