I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
